Bruschetta Bowl

Bruschetta Bowl

One of my big fuck-offs with this so-called new age of gastronomy is the term ‘de-constructed’. Especially when the local pub or tavern has just undergone a reno and they’ve replaced the old cook Boris for some spritely go-getter chef to bring a little class to the place. And now I’m there wanting my usual greasy burger for lunch and this twat wants me to assemble the bastard myself? WTF! Plus charge me double and call the shit de-constructed!

Don’t get me wrong, there are amazing chefs out there that know the sophisticated art that is true food de-construction. Chefs that can pull apart the components of a classic dish and rearrange and present them in such a way that one can only look on in awe at the sheer wizardry it took to create it. You’re eating art.

When I order bruschetta as my starter at any one of my fave Italian restaurants, I often end up wishing I had of just ordered a tonne of it in a bowl with a 10 foot long crusty French baguette. Then I think, fuck I could have just ditched the need for scallopini stayed home and made it myself, and enjoyed it in front of the idiot box. And save $15.90.

So this is how it goes down when I’m at home. It’s not de-con, its merely just going heavy on the ingredients with a good loaf of bread and enjoying the vinegary, tangy, sweet, olive oily crusty party in my mouth.

This for me is one of those perfect snacks that hits a bullseye on all the flavour profiles in one bite, especially when I’m enjoying the footy.

Grab a bowl. Fill it. Devour it. Enjoy. Oh, and don’t forget the baguette!

You will need:

  • 2 Tomatoes chopped
  • 1/2 C pitted Kalamata Olives C
  • 1 small Spanish Onion diced
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Cracked Black Pepper
  • Maldon or Kosher Salt
  • a little lemon juice (optional)

Throw the tomatoes, olives and onion into a bowl season with a good pinch of salt and give it a toss, stir, mix, whatever. Add a splash of oil and a splodge of balsamic and mix again. Add pepper and check if more salt is needed. Let stand for a few minutes to get the flavours fusing. Grab the butter, tear apart the bread and dig in! Squeeze over some lemon if you’re in the mood.

PS. You can also add a little sugar or stevia at the beginning if desired. Play with the quantities and have fun with it.

Let me know how you go!

Balsamic Strawberries & Cream

Balsamic Strawberries & Cream

History is loaded with many great aphrodisiacs: Oysters, looking like Brad Pitt, Chocolate, being Brad Pitt or the never-fail, chloroform. But, one that comes close to topping them all would have to be the humble Strawberry.

Strawberries.. What’s not to love about them? Beautiful little heart shaped fruits, so sweet and juicy, kind of like natures nipples. Only you dont need these to be stuck on 2 pounds of fat to be attractive. They are the perfect nibble to entice a little horizontal tango. This recipe takes the standard strawberries and cream, adds balsamic vinegar and sugar and ramps it up to eleventy

I can tell you that when I first discovered this luscious eat, it went right into the wank bank of horndog recipes, ready at a moments notice to induce some leg opening action.

I like to serve this up with whipped cream or clotted cream and biscotti or Italian sponge fingers…

You’ll need:

Punnet of Strawberries
Caster Sugar (fine)
Balsamic Vinegar
Hot date or sure thing

Cut strawberries in half and place in bowl 
Sprinkle with a couple of tablespoons of sugar, enough to generously coat them 
Drizzle over balsamic till covered 
Mix and cover with cling film & refrigerate for at least 15 minutes

Serve and enjoy.. oh yeah, good luck!