Fried Tofu and Zucchini in Mongolian Sauce

Fried Tofu and Zucchini in Mongolian Sauce

Cooking Time: 10mins    Prep:  5mins

Serves: Family of 8 Asians / Family of 3 Aussies / 2 Maori infants

The Mongolians May have been smart enough to cease the food supplies of the Chinese. But they weren’t smart enough to stop them from taking off with their you beaut namesake sauce.

Truth be known the term Mongolian is more to do with style of cooking rather than origins.

But let me say, if this was actually a Mongolian dish, Genghis Khan may have not been such an uptight prick and smiled a lot more.

My tastebuds love this sauce. Dark, rich, sweet & thick. Good for eggs, and toast as a midnight snacky

Anyway… It’s time!

Get your work area clean, and get ready to prep your food. Like all Asian dishes.. preparation is 🔑

400g Firm Tofu diced into 3cm pieces
200g Zucchini cut into thick strips
2 tsp (heaped) minced Ginger
1 tbsp minced Garlic
1.5 tbsp Hoisin Sauce
1 tsp Ground Black Pepper
1/2 Cup Brown Sugar
1/2 Cup Soy Sauce
1/2 Cup Water
1 tbsp (heaped and halved) Corn Flour
Sesame Oil for flavouring 
Peanut Oil for frying
30ml Shaoxing wine (optional)
Dash Sechuan Sauce (optional)

1. Prep your ingredients 
2. Heat the wok and get that thing 
3. In a bowl toss the chopped tofu in 
half the corn flour to coat 
4. Good glug of peanut oil about 1/2 
Cup. Get it hot hot hot!
5. Shake off excess flour and fry the 
tofu. Don’t overcrowd the wok, cook in batches if you need to. Cook till 
golden brown. Set all tofu aside
6. Dump off most of the oil leaving a 
couple of teaspoons of oil
7. Working quickly add the garlic & 
ginger keep it moving don’t burn
8. Add Hoisin & Soy and keep it moving.
If using the wine and sechuan sauce, 
put in now. Keep it moving
9. Add the water, pepper and sugar. As soon as Sauce starts to boil, reduce 
heat, give a stir and heat until sauce 
starts to thicken
10. After a few minut


Caramel Peppermint Slice

Caramel Peppermint Slice

When you serve this up at your next shin-dig, and you will, should anyone pipe up and say “ew caramel and peppermint? Together? WTF!” That’s your cue to fuck that person off and get another friend… or parent. It’s not up to you to prove that it works.

Fact of the matter is, it just does.

Silky caramel cream. Peppery hit of peppermint with a smack of chocolate that was conveniently stuck to the outside of the peppermint bar. Add that to some Tennis biscuits and more cream and you my friend will have a great excuse to ditch those close minded, sausages and mash dead weight acquaintances you’ve been carrying around for far too long… Advantage, you

Go to the shops now and get yourself

2 Packets of Tennis Biscuits or Italian  sponge biscuits
1 Can Of Caramel like Top n Fill
600ml Cream
350g Peppermint Crisps

1. Get a deep dish about 30cm x 20cm x 6cm
2. Whip cream in a glass bowl and set aside
3. In another bowl whip the caramel 
4. Crush up the Peppermint Crisps 
Not too fine. Set aside 150g larger 
shard pieces for the top
5. Fold in the other 200g of Crisps 
into caramel and give a whip
6. Fold in 2/3 whipped cream
7. Line base of tray with biscuits
8. Spoon in some of mix
9. Repeat steps 7 & 8 until none left
10. Top with cream and remaining shards of Peppermint Crisps
11. Set in fridge for 2hrs or overnight

This slice is a smash. Serve this up 
and it’ll be game set match... 

I thought I’d put that in there becauseof the tennis biscuits... I LOVE it



Bruschetta Bowl

Bruschetta Bowl

One of my big fuck-offs with this so-called new age of gastronomy is the term ‘de-constructed’. Especially when the local pub or tavern has just undergone a reno and they’ve replaced the old cook Boris for some spritely go-getter chef to bring a little class to the place. And now I’m there wanting my usual greasy burger for lunch and this twat wants me to assemble the bastard myself? WTF! Plus charge me double and call the shit de-constructed!

Don’t get me wrong, there are amazing chefs out there that know the sophisticated art that is true food de-construction. Chefs that can pull apart the components of a classic dish and rearrange and present them in such a way that one can only look on in awe at the sheer wizardry it took to create it. You’re eating art.

When I order bruschetta as my starter at any one of my fave Italian restaurants, I often end up wishing I had of just ordered a tonne of it in a bowl with a 10 foot long crusty French baguette. Then I think, fuck I could have just ditched the need for scallopini stayed home and made it myself, and enjoyed it in front of the idiot box. And save $15.90.

So this is how it goes down when I’m at home. It’s not de-con, its merely just going heavy on the ingredients with a good loaf of bread and enjoying the vinegary, tangy, sweet, olive oily crusty party in my mouth.

This for me is one of those perfect snacks that hits a bullseye on all the flavour profiles in one bite, especially when I’m enjoying the footy.

Grab a bowl. Fill it. Devour it. Enjoy. Oh, and don’t forget the baguette!

You will need:

  • 2 Tomatoes chopped
  • 1/2 C pitted Kalamata Olives C
  • 1 small Spanish Onion diced
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Cracked Black Pepper
  • Maldon or Kosher Salt
  • a little lemon juice (optional)

Throw the tomatoes, olives and onion into a bowl season with a good pinch of salt and give it a toss, stir, mix, whatever. Add a splash of oil and a splodge of balsamic and mix again. Add pepper and check if more salt is needed. Let stand for a few minutes to get the flavours fusing. Grab the butter, tear apart the bread and dig in! Squeeze over some lemon if you’re in the mood.

PS. You can also add a little sugar or stevia at the beginning if desired. Play with the quantities and have fun with it.

Let me know how you go!

Balsamic Strawberries & Cream

Balsamic Strawberries & Cream

History is loaded with many great aphrodisiacs: Oysters, looking like Brad Pitt, Chocolate, being Brad Pitt or the never-fail, chloroform. But, one that comes close to topping them all would have to be the humble Strawberry.

Strawberries.. What’s not to love about them? Beautiful little heart shaped fruits, so sweet and juicy, kind of like natures nipples. Only you dont need these to be stuck on 2 pounds of fat to be attractive. They are the perfect nibble to entice a little horizontal tango. This recipe takes the standard strawberries and cream, adds balsamic vinegar and sugar and ramps it up to eleventy

I can tell you that when I first discovered this luscious eat, it went right into the wank bank of horndog recipes, ready at a moments notice to induce some leg opening action.

I like to serve this up with whipped cream or clotted cream and biscotti or Italian sponge fingers…

You’ll need:

Punnet of Strawberries
Caster Sugar (fine)
Balsamic Vinegar
Hot date or sure thing

Cut strawberries in half and place in bowl 
Sprinkle with a couple of tablespoons of sugar, enough to generously coat them 
Drizzle over balsamic till covered 
Mix and cover with cling film & refrigerate for at least 15 minutes

Serve and enjoy.. oh yeah, good luck!