I’ve been quite fortunate to grow up near some of the best beaches in the world. Heading down to the sand as a kid and digging in my feet in the hope to find pipis is a past time that conjures up some really great memories. It’s not something that I’ve really had a chance to do as much of over the last decade. But since a recent holiday to Byron Bay uncovered, I’d realised I hadn’t properly passed on this beautiful seashore foraging skill to my daughter.
I remember early on in my childhood being at Port Stephens with friends and family, making sandcastles, getting in the water for hours or having a dig with my brothers when we had the chance. Our incentive in finding pipis meant that were we successful in striking a payload we knew we were made me proud.
It was a blast getting her out there to find a few handfuls. We collected enough for a feed, and I gotta say, they were pretty fuckin delish-usss! So, with our 30-40 pipi haul, we made our way home to start prepping the little buggers. First things first though: You need to purge them of all the shit and grit inside them.
NB: For the following recipe, put aside a 2/3 Cup of the seawater to cook the Pipis in
PURGING the PIPI’S
Unless you’re Bear Grylls and enjoy eating shit sand, mud, and roadkill, you need to purge (cleanse) the pipis of all the crap inside them. It’s like giving them gastro, without it being contagious to you. I probably should have just said ‘detox them’.
- Make sure the container you are transporting home the pipi’s in, is big enough to hold twice as much seawater to pipis
- quickly clean pipi’s under cold tap water, cleaning any noticeable crap off if necessary
- sieve the saltwater to eliminate any grit and shit
- Place the pipi’s back into the saltwater and leave overnight
- the best place to get the saltwater is right near where you found your pipis
Pipis In Ocean Stock
This is a simple dish that takes advantage of using the ocean water the lived in
2/3 Cup of the seawater filtered through a napkin
Dash of white wine vinegar
1 tsp sugar (optional)
1. In a small to medium pot, bring the seawater to the boil
2. Gently place the pipis into the water and cook them for a few minutes,
3. Take out each pipi when their shells open and set them aside. When all pipis are out of pot turn heat
to medium-low and reduce liquid by half
4. You can choose to stop right here and devour the pipis as is on toast…no? ok continue
5. Start off by adding 60g of the butter, 1/2 tsp of the pepper, the dash of vinegar and lemon juice. Make sure
you taste your lemon first to judge its flavour. It may be too sour or bitter, so taste and go easy
6. Have a taste, liquid should be lightly lemony with a hint of vinegar. Should still be able to have the body
of the ocean in the flavour. A little tangy
7. Add sugar if desired
8. Place pipis back in warm broth and gently stir
9. Gently plate up and pour liquor over pipis and finely chopped tarragon
10. Serve with a wedge of lemon and warm crusty bread
Being half Maori, half English, half German, half Scottish and half Irish has assured me the culinary skill to be able to boil any meal of the day.
I enjoy the efficiency of flicking the switch on the stove and reheating over and over again my boil up pot, such a dream. My wife thinks it’s a fucking nightmare. But like all women that are 100% Australian Bushranger stock, you know the type, always on the run, never relaxed enough to appreciate the alluring aroma of a boil up pot that’s been sitting on the stove for a good week.
Maoris treat it with the same respect as a French baker would feed daily his 100-year-old culture starter for his sourdough bread. Continually topping up the ingredients here and there when needed, intensifying that wonderfully pungent master stock that my wife thinks smells like ‘camel piss’. Once again, I don’t hail from bushrangers, so who am I to argue what the scent of camel urine smells like.
Any Maori will tell you it’s soul food. The smell that fills the home is one that intoxicates the senses, evokes warmth, togetherness, family time even pants off alone time.
Me and the Koro
If there’s one thing I learned from my old boy was that, over the course of a boil up pots stint, it may see many different ingredients. It may start out with just bacon, watercress, potatoes and doughboys. By the time it’s run its course, I may have thrown in pork or beef sausages, pork or lamb chops, pork belly, speck, more bacon, cabbage, carrots, taro, cassava and a tonne of butter. On this lap, Watties tomato sauce is a must!
NB: I know that’s not Watties in the photo. I had just run out and couldn’t be fucked going down the street to get more. It was early days. Plus a bit of sugar-free stuff is good for the diabetics in the house.
Dad would go for days just reincarnating the same ingredients. Personally unlike conventional Maori-ism, after about day three, I split from the pack and heed the calling of my European roots, bringing in the big guns, indulging in kransky, knockwurst, rookwurst, bratwurst, even South African boerewors sausage. Big bold flavours, some adding a smokey edge to the broth. I will savor each bite with some sauerkraut, sweet Belgian mustard or German mustard.
Here I will usually throw in some carbs seeing as the doughboys disappeared a couple of days ago, by adding some gnocchi or German Spaetzle noodles if you could be fucked making them.
Look boilup may not be the healthiest dish on the planet, but if you lay off all the bread, doughboys, potatoes or noodles etc boilup itself can compliment a ketogenic diet, provided you consume a sensible amount and don’t be a dickhead and go overboard.
I myself, regardless if I return to vegan-ism again, will always love the smell and the memories that this one-pot dish provided throughout my life.
A huge pot
500g Potatoes washed and peeled
- Wash Watercress
- Place in pot with potatoes and bacon on top
- Fill with water 2/3 the way up the ingredients, add butter and a good pinch of salt
- Bring to the boil. As soon as boiling begins, reduce heat to low-medium and cook for 20 to 25 minutes or until tender.
- Add doughboys and cook for a further 15 minutes
2 Cups Self Raising flour
1. Place flour in a bowl add a good pinch of salt
2. Add enough water to bring flour together
3. Flour bench and turn mix out on it
4. Add more flour or water if needed
5. Knead dough until all comes together. Dont over work
6. Roll pieces into balls about 5cm across
7. Add to the top of ingredients cover with lid and cook until fluffy in the middle. About 15 minutes.
NB: When I could be bothered, I rub about 80g of cold butter into the flour before I add the water.
I sometimes swap out the water for lemonade, soda water or milk.
Over the years I’ve made a tonne of pumpkin scones. And to be honest, I tend to change a few ingredients here and there to match the type of pumpkin I’m using. If I’m using a butternut pumpkin (squash) for instance I may throw in a chai style spice mix or pumpkin pie spice mix. If I use a Jap pumpkin I will just keep it plain.
Look I know some people like their scones the same every time. Me, I like some to be airy and fluffy. Others I don’t mind a little more heavy and dense. It just depends on the occasion. That’s why I find a thing like scones such a strong dish, food, whatever you want to call it, to experiment with. Mainly because the initial ingredients are so minimal and cheap.
I will be adding more variations to the humble scone recipe board here. Because when I think of the number of varieties you can produce it boggles my fuckin head. And you know what they are every bit as good if not better than a cupcake. They just don’t get the rap they deserve.
This is one of my versions of pumpkin scones best served just out of the oven. Serve them up with the pumpkin blueberry jam in the picture. Also, add some clotted cream. The jam itself is worth making just to put over custard and icecream.
2.5 Cups Self Raising flour
2 tbsp icing sugar mix
70g Suet Mix
70g cold butter
1 egg (beaten)
1 Cups cold mashed pumpkin (drained of liquid over night)
good pinch of salt
1. If you have a food processor, place flour, icing sugar, salt, cold butter and egg in processor and
pulse quickly to combine to make a crumbly texture. Otherwise, combine it all by hand by rubbing between
2. Add suet mix and make sure its well combined
3. Add in pumpkin
4. Depending how dry your mix is, which will result from how much liquid came out of the pumpkin, add
enough lemonade to bring mix together. I f you make the dough too wet just add more flour when you turn
the dough out onto the board
5. DO NOT OVERWORK THE DOUGH!
6. Flour your clean bench and turn the mix out onto it
7. Knead just enough to form a 4cm high dough and either make cuts with a sharp knife or press out
with scone cutter. Avoid twisting the cutter, just push down so the scone rises straight up and doesnt
flop over. Also keep them close together on the baking tray to help them rise upwards not outwards.
8. Bake in 180degC taking out after 8 mins to glaze with milk wash
MILK WASH - 80ml Milk + 1 tsp Icing sugar
9. Cook for a further 10-15 mins or until golden
10. Eat while hot
Blueberry Pumpkin Jam
1/2 Cup mashed Pumpkin
dash of Vanilla essence
small piece cinnamon
1 Star Anise (optional)
1/4 tsp Nutmeg
1. Place all ingredients into a a small pot and bring to a boil
2. Immediately reduce heat to medium low stirring frequently and simmer
reduce until thickens or reduced by half
NB: A few things to bare in mind with changing up the ingredients to scones.
Find a standard dough mix that you are really happy with first, and then start changing a
little something each time, making sure to a keep a record of what you have done.
For instance, should this recipe be you be your starting point, know first what each
element brings to the table. Egg will give them a richer less flat taste and provide a less
dense scone. Lemonade would give a little aeration. Different fats will provide hugely
different results and flavour. No fats on the other hand will give a dense more bland;
Italian '00' flour will give a airier result from the high sifting of the flour, compared
to standard flour. The world of variations are endless.
Go hard and discover a few
#73: I lived with my Nanny and Poppy in SCONE NSW
#50: Their last name was KING
#972: I was destined to be the KING of SCONES
#637: I still have to explain to fuckers that the town is pronounced SCONE like sk-OWN and the
SCONE you eat sounds like sk-ON... How fuckin hard is it!
If there is a fruit or vegetable that I can grow, it’s chillies! Each year I reap a bumper crop of mixed chillies. Different shapes, sizes, types, heat, colours. Overflowing abundant crops of the most beautiful little morsels of peppery-firey heat. And, like every year it amazes me the shit out of me that I didnt plant any of them!
I don’t know why I have the prowess akin to a Macedonian farmer at growing chillies. I do wish I had the same green-thumb-ness with other produce that I do actually set out to endeavour to bring to life. Like tomatoes, beans, peas, pumpkins, grammars, aubergines, pets from snake bites etc etc. Meticulously, I prep the ground. The soil. Compost. Potting Mix. Horse manure. Chicken shit. Worm juice.
Finally, as if by some fairy garden magic, thousands of little green stalks break through the ground searching for air and sun, like zombie arms cracking the grave mound searching for brains. All’s going great. Nek minut… Dead as fuck. But not like Walking Dead zombies. Just like, zombies that are dead-dead. Everything, fucked! I mean EVERYTHING! WTF happened? I watered everything, looked after each plant as if it was a baby, shook them, gave them all the care and attention they needed.
I still think the dogs pissed on them, little bastards. Its something they’d do to get back at me.
Maybe I shouldn’t give a shit and just go with the flow. Because as the old saying goes ‘When one crop closes another one opens’… Hence why I am the Chilli Master
I think these firey little bastards I pickled in this dish here are affectionately known as the ‘Trinidad Scorpion’. I looked them up on this thing called “Google” and apparently, they’ve rated around 1.2 million to 2 million Scoville heat units (SHUs). Which pretty much means you’ll need a dam of aloe vera to drown the fires Mordor on your ring.
Having said that, I was dubious as to whether they are actually Scorpion peppers as I’ve not had any I would say were that hot. Mainly because I’m a chilli fiend, that suffers from ulcers and tends to take shit too far. I step way over the line and it costs me dearly. We’re talking, fart crimson… B. L. U. D. blood! Having said that, there have been the odd one or two in the pile that made my piles feel like truckloads.
So, let’s get on with it. MY STUFFED PEPPERS!… From the garden
Some glass jars
A clean needle
A large bowl of fresh chillies
2 tbsp salt
5 tbsp Caster Sugar
Black or Green Peppercorns
Light Olive Oil
150g Persian Feta
100g Cream Cheese
good pinch salt
1/4 tsp white pepper
Herbs such as:
1. Wash and clean chillies
2. Put about 3 needle pricks in each chilli
Put the Water, vinegar, salt, sugar, peppercorns in a pot and heat until salt and sugar disolve. As soon as
slow boil starts, turn off and transfer to a glass bowl large enough to submerge your chillies.
If there's not enough liquid.. fuckin make more!
3. Soak your chillies in liquid, cover and place in fridge overnight.
4. Chop herbs
5. Place herbs with the rest of the filling ingredients in another glass bowl and combine well. Set aside in
fridge to infuse for a couple of hours.
6. Take the tops off the chillies leaving a hole to pipe the filling into.
7. Take filling from fridge and give a mix
8. Place filling in piping bag and fill each chilli
9. Gently place each filled chilli into a glass jar, or else all your hard work will look like shit.
10. Place a stalk of rosemary or oregano into jar and top up with light olive oil.
NB: For your own well being do not use that canola shit!
Cooking Time: 10mins Prep: 5mins
Serves: Family of 8 Asians / Family of 3 Aussies / 2 Maori infants
The Mongolians May have been smart enough to cease the food supplies of the Chinese. But they weren’t smart enough to stop them from taking off with their you beaut namesake sauce.
Truth be known the term Mongolian is more to do with style of cooking rather than origins.
But let me say, if this was actually a Mongolian dish, Genghis Khan may have not been such an uptight prick and smiled a lot more.
My tastebuds love this sauce. Dark, rich, sweet & thick. Good for eggs, and toast as a midnight snacky
Anyway… It’s time!
Get your work area clean, and get ready to prep your food. Like all Asian dishes.. preparation is 🔑
400g Firm Tofu diced into 3cm pieces
200g Zucchini cut into thick strips
2 tsp (heaped) minced Ginger
1 tbsp minced Garlic
1.5 tbsp Hoisin Sauce
1 tsp Ground Black Pepper
1/2 Cup Brown Sugar
1/2 Cup Soy Sauce
1/2 Cup Water
1 tbsp (heaped and halved) Corn Flour
Sesame Oil for flavouring
Peanut Oil for frying
30ml Shaoxing wine (optional)
Dash Sechuan Sauce (optional)
1. Prep your ingredients
2. Heat the wok and get that thing
3. In a bowl toss the chopped tofu in
half the corn flour to coat
4. Good glug of peanut oil about 1/2
Cup. Get it hot hot hot!
5. Shake off excess flour and fry the
tofu. Don’t overcrowd the wok, cook in batches if you need to. Cook till
golden brown. Set all tofu aside
6. Dump off most of the oil leaving a
couple of teaspoons of oil
7. Working quickly add the garlic &
ginger keep it moving don’t burn
8. Add Hoisin & Soy and keep it moving.
If using the wine and sechuan sauce,
put in now. Keep it moving
9. Add the water, pepper and sugar. As soon as Sauce starts to boil, reduce
heat, give a stir and heat until sauce
starts to thicken
10. After a few minut