Watercress Spanakopita

Watercress Spanakopita

Those who know me know, that I lose my marbles around filo pastry. I love the stuff. Paper thin sheets of buttery, flakey goodness sandwiched together like paper thin sheets of buttery, flakey goodness sandwiched together.. I can imagine myself as a hobo laying on a cold park bench in winter wrapped in it, yet floating off to sleep with a happy, comforted smile.

This is my take on one of the greatest Greek dishes on this here planet, using one of my favourite Maori/Polynesian ingredients.. watercress from leftover boil up! Chur-iffic!

First things first, remember when working with filo, don’t stuff around. Never use the filo shit from any shop that’s come from the frozen section, only out of the fridge area. And, always have a damp cloth on the ready to place over filo sheets that aren’t being used so they don’t dry out.

Ok let’s hit it!

You will need:

Your favourite lasagne tray or
springform pan
Filo Pastry sheets
2 Cups Watercress from boilup. Drained and pressed over night
1 Cup Ricotta 
80g Cheddar 
100g Fetta
Nutmeg
250g butter should be heaps
Handful of Dill
Handful of Parsley
Juice of a Lemon
Salt & Pepper

1.As mentioned before you will need to 
press as much liquid out of the 
watercress as you can, as not to make
the pastry soggy
2.Chop the Parsley and Dill and place
into a bowl with watercress, the three 
cheeses, lemon juice and a good grind
of nutmeg. Taste. Adjust seasoning with
salt and pepper
3.Mix well. Cover and set aside
4.Get your tray and cover the bottom 
with a sheet of filo pastry. 
5.Brush with melted butter.. oh yeah,
melt the butter
6.Repeat 4-6 sheets
7.Spread mix over pastry
8.Repeat steps 4-6
9.Give it all a nice little press and 
pre-cut into squares or triangles. Cut
it into any shape you want it’s your 
pie.
10.Beat an egg and add a splash of milk
for basting. Baste it with a brush
11.Cook in 180deg/C or 170deg/C fan 
forced until golden and flakey 
12.Let stand for 5-10 minutes
13.Plate up, take a few Instagram pics
and post the shit out of it!

Enjoy x


Bruschetta Bowl

Bruschetta Bowl

One of my big fuck-offs with this so-called new age of gastronomy is the term ‘de-constructed’. Especially when the local pub or tavern has just undergone a reno and they’ve replaced the old cook Boris for some spritely go-getter chef to bring a little class to the place. And now I’m there wanting my usual greasy burger for lunch and this twat wants me to assemble the bastard myself? WTF! Plus charge me double and call the shit de-constructed!

Don’t get me wrong, there are amazing chefs out there that know the sophisticated art that is true food de-construction. Chefs that can pull apart the components of a classic dish and rearrange and present them in such a way that one can only look on in awe at the sheer wizardry it took to create it. You’re eating art.

When I order bruschetta as my starter at any one of my fave Italian restaurants, I often end up wishing I had of just ordered a tonne of it in a bowl with a 10 foot long crusty French baguette. Then I think, fuck I could have just ditched the need for scallopini stayed home and made it myself, and enjoyed it in front of the idiot box. And save $15.90.

So this is how it goes down when I’m at home. It’s not de-con, its merely just going heavy on the ingredients with a good loaf of bread and enjoying the vinegary, tangy, sweet, olive oily crusty party in my mouth.

This for me is one of those perfect snacks that hits a bullseye on all the flavour profiles in one bite, especially when I’m enjoying the footy.

Grab a bowl. Fill it. Devour it. Enjoy. Oh, and don’t forget the baguette!

You will need:

  • 2 Tomatoes chopped
  • 1/2 C pitted Kalamata Olives C
  • 1 small Spanish Onion diced
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • Balsamic Vinegar
  • Cracked Black Pepper
  • Maldon or Kosher Salt
  • a little lemon juice (optional)

Throw the tomatoes, olives and onion into a bowl season with a good pinch of salt and give it a toss, stir, mix, whatever. Add a splash of oil and a splodge of balsamic and mix again. Add pepper and check if more salt is needed. Let stand for a few minutes to get the flavours fusing. Grab the butter, tear apart the bread and dig in! Squeeze over some lemon if you’re in the mood.

PS. You can also add a little sugar or stevia at the beginning if desired. Play with the quantities and have fun with it.

Let me know how you go!

Summer Roll Cigars

Summer Roll Cigars

“Spring Rolls are so last season, These Summer Rolls take the cake.. and wrap it in filo” – Johnny Depp‘s gardener

Born out of my insatiable food lust to wrap all things in filo and watch on repeat my favourite cooking shows on the food channels, I was happily immersed in the end credits for Pirates Of The Caribbean, Dead Mans Chest when I decided to sail back to my beloved cooking channel. To my horror Man vs Food was not on as the TV guide had promised, my poor 80″ UHD screen had been hijacked by that shite ‘Mystery Diners’! My inner pirate raged “Aaarrrrgghhh! Such blaspheme! How dare ye pillege my pixels. Tis’ has no place on ye food channel” Unfortunately, I couldn’t make that Charles dude walk the plank. So I did the next best thing.. I walked to the kitchen… aaaarrrrghhh

On opening the larder I stumbled upon a treasure trove of delectable left over delights. Madeira cake, chocolate, nuts, dried fruits and more chocolate. Instantly my imagination soared to the horizon. Follow that star to the land of munchies. But first, I had one last thing to procure. So before I set sail to for the equatorial summer of Fat Mans Chest, I collected the bounty and made my way across to the fridge. Immediately it caught the attention of my right eye (the other was covered by a patch), there it was.. the filo pastry!

“Ahoy there mother f**ker! I feel a binge eat comin’ on. Set sail.. We have some deep frying to do..”

Summer Roll Cigars

Filo Pastry
Chunk of Madeira Cake
Big handful of Dark Chocolate
Same with White Chocolate
A heap of Pistachios nuts
Dried fruit (optional)
Glace Cherries (also optional)
Peanut oil for Deep Frying or Vege oil

1. Combine all ingredients in a food processor except filo. That would be counter productive
2. Blitz till coarse
3. Taking one sheet of filo at a time, keeping the remaining sheets covered with a damp cloth to avoid
drying out the rest.
4. Spread one half of filo with butter using a basting brush, fold in half to make a smaller rectangle,
square shape
5. Place equal amounts of filling on each sheet and roll into cigar shapes
6. Deep fry in hot oil till golden brown and drain on a rack

Serve with homemade ice cream, Baileys ice cream or any ice cream for that matter or dipping chocolate

Aye, she be hot, luscious, Gooey & fudgy

Mum’s Banana Cake – Best Ever

Mum’s Banana Cake – Best Ever

Mum’s Banana Cake, BEST EVER!

“This cake is dark like Denzel, rich like Oprah, dense like Kanye & moister than grandma’s panties at a Tom Jones concert” – Rolling Stone Magazine stockist Barry 

Besides being known for knocking out some mean bikies, my Mum is also known for knocking out some mean cakes. This one is always a knockout. My Mum’s best ever banana cake! One of the best parts of my childhood it never disappoints.

I would not have a clue how long this cake lasts for in the fridge, because it always disappears after being cut. Served just with whipped cream is the way to go or, caramelise a banana and top with a good drizzle of cajeta (mexican caramel) or duche de leche (Spanish caramel)

This mix is for one cake. It usually gets doubled. Dont even try to triple or quadruple it, because it just doesn’t turn out right for some reason

Preheat Oven to 350 degF / 180 degC                                                                                                                          

  • Cream 4oz butter, 3/4 C Sugar & 1 egg
  • Mix in 2 RIPE mashed bananas & 1/4 milk
  • Add 1/2 C plain flour, 1 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp baking powder & pinch of salt
  • Bake for 30mins. The cake should be dark and come away slightly from the pan. Should be moist as